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While in Oklahoma last month for our daughter's graduation and celebration, Brian and I got to keep Casen during the daytime, while his mommy and daddy worked. Brianand I loved being able to take care of him. We had so much fun, getting to do the things we have missed out on - reading to him, playing with him, giving him baths, walks (some in the house due to cold weather), letting him help us - good stuff! I am posting a few pictures - enjoy!
Now, fast forward over the next couple of months of Brian and mine lives. These were not calm, easy living months – but hailstorm kind of months.
Immediately following the trip to Kansas, I flew to see our son Jordan. Jordan had been through a storm of his own, a storm that left him bent and beaten, much like the wheat would have been if a hailstorm had moved in across the Kansas sky the day we were at the farm. My days in Boston were bittersweet. Jordan and I had some time to just talk – to reminisce, to talk through some struggles and just be mom and son. It was good to spend time him, to be with friends and to finally see some smiles on Jordan’s face. It was good for both of us, but difficult nevertheless! I was anxious to be home the entire return flight. I had an uneasy feeling about what awaited me there. My intuition proved correct, I came home to a husband that was struggling much more than when we had parted just 10 short days ago. I saw how tired he was after mowing just small portion of the lawn. How he had to stop and rest after taking out the garbage. How he could not remember his day at work when he got home. How he would not remember what he had planned to do that day. How he could not sleep when he was suppose to, yet would fall asleep the moment he sat down to relax. I saw how scared he was, not understanding what was going on with his body and mind. I saw fear in his eyes and I knew mine mirrored the same. Changes were happening that would take months to solve. Some serious sifting lay ahead for us. But God is good and He is faithful, forgiving, loving and strong. I praise Him for being Him.
. . . to sift, as grain in a sieve (Strongs)
There are a couple of verses in Luke 22, covering a conversation between Jesus and his disciples. Jesus had just told them that one of them would betray Him – this made his followers wonder which of them would be the betrayer. It was just a short leap from there to wondering and questioning who was the greatest of them. Please don’t judge them too harshly; I am afraid I too would have been in there amongst them – wondering which of us was the greatest.
Jesus patiently teaches them once again about being a servant, being humble and of standing by Him. Then in verse 31, Jesus tells Peter, “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat.” (Whoa!) Then in verse 32, Jesus continues, “But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith will not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthening your brothers.” (Double Whoa!)
I feel the months leading up to our trip to the farm and the months that followed, were a sifting for Brian and I. Our Peace was something that Satan wanted to test, to see if the troubles of this world would find us standing by God or turning our backs on Him. The events that had led up to and followed this trip often found us barely keeping a hold on God, at times we times were prostrate on the floor asking God for release from these trials and at other times we angrily asked God, "Why, Father?" But, thankfully, some days it was so easy to see God’s hand still on our lives – those were precious moments to Brian and I – a time to shore up for the next sifting! God knew what needed to take place in order to sift empty words, gestures, misplaced dependency on others and the things of no real value - all things that have kept us from being the people He spoke about in Jeremiah 24, “I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord. They will be my people and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.” I think we had gotten so caught up in doing for God and on depending on others for our needs that we forgot to LOOK TO GOD and we begin to lose sight of Him. Joel 2:13b, “Rend your heart and not your garments.” In 1999, Brian and I were hit with one family problem or event after another which left us struggling. I thought we had learned this lesson during the months, actually years that followed and I actually thought I was striving not to fall back into that pattern, but there in the midst of our sifting my heart was convicted. I was reminded that everything I do is not to raise me up – but to to bring Glory to Him. I also realized that I had begun depending on other people to meet my needs. I know God uses those around me to strengthen me, to encourage me and to convict me, but He still wants me to seek Him for answers and help – then He will provide – whether it is through His Word, His Spirit, my family or friends – He longs to be my Rock, my Fortress.
How often I can identify with Simon Peter - I long to be always pleasing to God, but I mess up so badly at times. And it is those times that God shows His love so strongly, by allowing His Son's blood to cover my messes and present me as clean!
I feel we are still not to the point of strengthening others from our trials, but I think we are taking a few steps in that direction. Thankfully, we have felt Jesus was on our side from the very beginning of our sifting and knew that He had us on His heart, praying our faith would not fail. He has seen us through.
Early this past summer we made a trip to see family in Kansas. One of the highlights while we were there was to visit the farm – this is home to my niece Becky, her husband Jason and their precious, precious children Clint and Megan. One of the main functions of this farm is to raise wheat. We were excited as we drove along the dirt road heading out to the farm, even stopping along the way to take pictures of the beautiful fields of near golden wheat. On that dusty trip, I had no idea that the things I would see that day would be on my heart over and over this summer and fall.
My nephew Jason – well he is a farmer and he does what farmers do. He plants, nurtures and harvests the wheat. He trusts in God to provide the right amount of rain, to keep the hailstorms on hold and to bring down the sunshine! A farmer knows his fields, knows when the grain has ripened and knows when he needs to harvest. He uses a combine to separate the straw from the chaff and chaff from the grain. When he is done the farmer takes the grain to storage until he sells it at market.
Seeing all this wheat and watching Jason that day, I had an idea. I wanted the children in my Bible class to see this! I figured most of my little ones had never seen a wheat field and maybe did not even know what wheat was – after all they live in the high desert and are only 2 and 3 years old.I eventually made a flip chart, sharing this day on the farm with them. I wanted them to see the beauty and wonder of what I saw that day and to see God’s Hand on this little portion of their world. Jason even gave me some wheat to take home (the kids loved tasting the wheat kernels as they heard about Farmer Jason and God).
My trip to the farm was God shoring my heart up for the days ahead. Seeing God's loving hand in the wheat field, would bring me comfort these next few months and remind me that He is sovereign even when we are in the hailstorms and when we are being sifted - so that He might draw us closer to Him, closer than we had thought possible!
A little less than a year ago, a little friend of Amanda's received a set of toddler markers - they were pretty cool even to an aging Gramma. They were little balls with marker ends coming out of one side. Easy to grasp and hold onto while being "Creative." I was told they also came in crayons. A thought formed and went into my mental file box - First crayons for Casen. I remembered that my kids both liked to scribble right around a year. Brian and I - hoping to spark the creative gene in both children - had started taping drawing paper to their highchair trays when each of them were around 10 months. They had happily scribbled with the old fashioned Big Crayons (for little hands). Neither grew up to love drawing, but - a parent can try.
So a day or two before Casen's arrival I was walking through Target, trying to think of ANYTHING else we needed to get before they got here - when I remembered the Toddler Crayons. I searched the "creative aisle" which Brian and I affectionly call the"Glitter and Glue Aisle" at Target. There they hung - Toddler Crayons - a package of 3! I took them off the hook, looked them over, decided they would be fun and into the basket they went.
A few days later, out came the Toddler crayons and a Christmas coloring book. I eagerly got down on the floor with Casen and showed him this Treasure. I jumped up to get some paper, thinking that might work better and by the time I had taken two steps the first Toddler Crayon went flying followed shortly by the second- Brian and Amanda started laughing as I held the intact Toddler Crayon ball and the broken crayon in my hands. I don't have a grandbaby who wants to sit quietly doing creative things, I have a Ballplaying Grandbaby! I think he gets his arm from his Daddy or Bunny! Oh, well . . . The Toddler Crayons got plenty of usage minus the crayons!
Side note: Brian, thinking I was disappointed, later that night tried to console me by telling me that it was okay, maybe the next grandbaby will want to do crafts with me. I had to smile - I love that man!
We were blessed to have Amanda, Josh and our beautiful grandson, Casen home for Christmas. I was thrilled to get to see Casen's first Christmas - what a bonus! I have really missed living closer to them, we missed so many firsts this year. If I had to have one first though it would have to be First Christmas. Christmas is my favorite time of year and in my family we learned early on to do it up right!
It was great getting to decorate for family coming, deciding what to put out of our Christmas things, what not to put too low (little hands and paws - two of the granddogs came too), unwrapping the "Cookies and Milk for Santa" set I bought years ago in anticipation of this event and trying to figure out what to put at Casen's level that he might enjoy. It was FUN for Brian and I both.
The tree ornaments only went 2/3 of the way down the tree, but lights all around (more is always better when it comes to Christmas tree lights). Big Bear ended up in his usual corner minus all his little friends (a few came to a heinous end the last doggie visit! - Another story for another time, maybe!) and the Hallmark snowmen poised to be on the floor for Casen in a sweep of a hand! Despite Brian's fibro the house was perfectly trimmed with strings and strings of Christmas lights (remember more is always better!) and decorations hung from between each window (except the night the wind storm took a couple of them down).
Now all we had to do was wait . . .
and waiting was difficult, the kids drove straight through, leaving OKC mid afternoon. We kept getting updates - text messages, cute pictures and phone calls - until the middle of the night. They didn't want to wake us up, but Hey, We Are Parents Here! - we have internal clocks that apparently activate as needed - Brian made a couple of calls for us that night to reassure us that they were safe and still driving.
Early Sunday morning they pulled into the drive - 2 happy dogs, 1 wide awake Grandson and 2 weary, sleep deprived parents! Lots of hugging and kissing, petting of doggies, talking, and loving ensued. After an hour or so of catching up, Parents hit the bed and Immie and Bunny got to take Grandson to church!